I haven’t blogged in a week as it’s been a rough one. Sunday night I got a message to call my mom ASAP. I knew something was wrong when I saw that, but I never expected the news I got. My mom had told me that my step-brother had been arrested. I started feeling irritated as I thought something had happened and my brother getting arrested for a warrant wasn’t serious. That irritation quickly switched to shock/disbelief when she went on to explain that my brother committed suicide hours after being arrested. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was just told earlier that he was pulling his life together and getting clean from being addicted to pain killers. I was so proud of him when my mom told me he was getting clean. I had high hopes for him as he never seemed like the rest of the druggies I’ve met/known. No one knows why he didn’t feel like living anymore. It hurts to even think about it.
I still have many emotions I’m trying to sort out. I guess this is what grieving feels like. Anger, because he chose to end his life. Regret, because I didn’t talk to him enough. Sadness, because I will never see him again. Confusion, because I just don’t understand why.
His funeral was last Friday. He had to be cremated as it was honestly the least expensive way. And his ashes were spread in the mountains at my grandparents property. I think it was a nice resting place. Sadly there is no stone as it’s not something anyone can afford right now. If by chance anyone reading this would like to help I can take donations through Paypal. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org. Anything donated will fund a nice stone to place where his ashes were spread.
“Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse, suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.”
In Loving Memory of Nathan Clyde
He was a brother, a son, an uncle, and a friend. I only remember him as a kind guy. At his funeral a few people pointed out how much he loved his little nephews; he loved kids. He also loved to go fishing and hunting with his dad (my step-dad). I had honestly never seen my step-dad cry until he talked about the loving memories he had of his son while at his funeral. He is missed deeply by all who loved him and he will forever remain in our hearts, prayers, and thoughts. Love you Nate!
Thank you everyone for reading. Xx